Day 147: Progress

Flowers and plants do not have to strive to be a certain way. They just are. They grow in their own time allowing nature to take care of them, just as the sun rises and sets each day. I doubt they ever worry if they will look okay after they bloom and they probably never wonder if they will still look bright and pretty tomorrow. And I'm sure that they never regret that they opened yesterday instead of today, or vice versa. Nature just is. Growth and death continue to happen without any help from us. I am talking about the ease with which nature and the natural world exist.

Why can't I be more trusting in my own life? Granted life has to be planned somewhat. I have to go to work, buy groceries, cook and plan for my future but things like birth and death follow a natural course, just as plants and trees and flowers live and die in their own natural course. We have no control over when we come into this life and when we exit it. 

One of my best friends is expecting a baby and she just found out yesterday that she is having a girl. I am so happy and excited for her and her husband. A couple of months ago I would have cried after hearing this news but after we spoke yesterday I felt a genuine happiness for her, and for myself and I did not cry. I began this blog in hopes that it would help me to see the positive in every day, particularly the positive in my life. To not fret over the fact that we have not yet been able to have a child. I want to feel and be happy no matter what happens. I am tired of worrying about the effects of everything I do, of not drinking coffee or drinking coffee, of eating this or not eating that, of taking certain vitamins and supplements or just worrying in general over whether or not it will happen. I am letting go and allowing nature to unfold as it will.

Look at these beautiful flowers in the photos below. They are not worried about a thing. I took these photos over the course of the last month and the flowers look beautiful each step of the way. I may not be completely at peace with the fact that I have not yet been able to have a baby but I am slowly becoming more and more accepting of it and less sad. I am trying to avoid the view that it is "not fair." It just is. And seeing it this way is definitely progress. There are so many things to be happy about in my life. Yes, not having a baby when you really want to have one of your own is difficult to accept, but it is not all there is to life. Today I am thankful for the gift of flowers. That they show me each day, each season what it means to trust in life's natural process.