One thing that I would like to touch on lightly during the next couple of weeks, and which is sort of the main reason behind my blog project, is the process I have gone through in dealing with the struggle of not being able to become pregnant. Living in a country where I am literally surrounded each day with pregnant women and new mothers is quite challenging when I have wanted more than anything in the world to have a child of my own. Praying about it and asking God why it hasn't happened for us helps to a point but even the strongest of us start to doubt and question why some people get to be parents and others of us do not.
I have been angry, immensely sad, at peace and then angry, immensely sad, and at peace again and again with our situation. My husband and I have had numerous conversations about it, and I have to add that he has been my biggest support and my biggest source of refuge and peace during our struggle of coming to terms with our infertility. In the beginning I prayed to become pregnant, but slowly I began to pray to feel at peace no matter what happened. And I truly do hope for peace. I realize that not every woman gets to have children and that there are many worse fates than not being able to have a child.
I try each day to focus on the blessings in my life and the small things that make me happy. I really don't know how or why I came up with the idea for this project except to say that perhaps it was not my idea at all but was God's answer to my prayers. As I sat at my computer last January 1st and contemplated writing a list of resolutions, the thought of a one year happy project merely popped into my head. I'd written blogs before to chronicle trips that we've taken and it was always so much fun for me. I thought maybe if I started a blog where I was committed to finding something happy or positive about my day, every day for a year, it would help me get out of my head. It would help me to focus on the things that are truly important and force me, so to speak, to dwell in a happier place each day.
Eventually I got into a groove with my project and blogging and now as I am approaching the end of the road, I am beginning to contemplate my next direction. I definitely plan to continue along the same type of path but I don't know that I am up for committing to another year of blogging daily. I would love any feedback that any of you would like to offer.
Today my happy was found in a very common place, in the warm embrace of my wonderful husband. Hugs are positively absolutely the very best and I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful man as my soulmate and life partner.
Thank you all for listening to my stories and giving me your love and support!
Seeing these beautiful snow-covered Christmas trees today in the square near our apartment was a treat as well. And it may be difficult to make out but there is a father pulling his son on a sled down the path through the trees. Seeing a scene like this makes me smile from the inside out.