Day 295: Embrace Every Stage

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters...

compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you ever feel like there is a bigger person lying dormant within you? A person preparing for the world or preparing for a debut? Emerson's quote above makes me think of this notion. The hurdles we face each day, the difficulties that we feel sometimes are unbearable... those are "tiny matters" compared to our true selves, or "what lies within us," as Emerson says. Look at nature. Nature never stresses about the fact that winter came earlier this year or that it rained every day for a month. It just keeps going and being and the next day comes and brings spring buds and sunshine. 

Why don't we embrace life in the same way that nature exists? To nature, it doesn't matter if winter came earlier or later, the trees will still bud again and the leaves will shake with joy once again. The trees, in their winter dormancy, only plan and prepare for the next moment. They doesn't fret or fuss or cry. Why then do we as humans tilt our heads downward and take off our party hats, like the wooden man below? Why do we concern ourselves with things behind us or before us? Why not, instead, concern ourselves with what is [dormant] within us? Allow nature to take its course and prepare us in the same way for our debut. 

We all have something special to offer the world. Most of us know what that is whether it is our kindness or our leadership skills or our artistic nature. Why not today take a look at what nature has given us and allow those qualities to bloom... or perhaps even sleep through winter and awaken again in the spring. What is within you? Embrace it because that is where you will truly find happy.

Every stage of nature is beautiful.

Every stage of life is beautiful.
(Art by Mikael Nilsson, seen at 125 Kvadrat Konsthantverk Galleri in Stockholm)

Embrace every stage, whether it is a cold autumn day or a sunny spring day. 

They each have gifts to offer us.

Day 294: Crazy Socks

This morning as I was getting dressed for the day it dawned on me that another thing I have a huge affinity for is socks. But not just any socks. I love socks that are fun and whimsical and maybe even a little bit crazy. I think, especially living in a place where you take your shoes off when you enter someone's home, it is so much fun to wear an outfit that is otherwise simple and plain and then take my shoes off and surprise the world with wild colors, polkadots or stripes. The best is to even have your socks be sort of completely wrong for the outfit. Like wear rusty orange and purple striped socks with blues and reds or even greens. I have to admit however that sometimes "completely wrong for the outfit socks" rub my sense of color combining the wrong way. But I still think it is fun.

My affinity for crazy socks is shared by many people. I know this because there happens to be a company here in Sweden that makes wild and crazy socks called Happy Socks. Their socks are fun and wild and whimsical in their color and pattern schemes and I completely love them. Unfortunately I do not yet own a pair. Not because I don't want them but simple because my sock drawer, believe it or not, is overflowing. We have a nephew who also shares my love of crazy socks. He has many pairs of these Happy Socks and wears them with the intention of causing a "splash" as well. It's so much fun!

I don't remember the circumstances but one time crazy socks came up in conversation with one of my aunts and she mentioned that her daughter in law actually buys socks from a company that sells them mismatched. Wild, fun, crazy colors and then completely mismatched from their pair. How fun is that? I tried to look them up online and it appears that they were not the only ones with that idea and there are actually many stores that sell mismatched socks. Who knew?!

My husband is a special kind of sock person too. He wears cycling socks nearly exclusively and regardless of how cold it is outside. He even wore them with his tux at our wedding! I only wish I'd gotten a photo of it. I have a certain time of year when I switch from ankle socks to mid-length socks and then another time of year when I switch from mid-length socks to knee socks, and then vice versa as the seasons change again. What kind of sock person are you?

 These are my favorite Marimekko socks. They always have the coolest designs!

 These were a present from my mom... I love them too!

Another pair of Marimekko socks... these are actually knee highs and I am wearing them today. 

Yesterday I had on mid-length socks... it's nearly time to switch exclusively to knee socks but I am trying to hold out as long as possible... and as long as I don't freeze to death!

Day 293: Weekend Anticipation

My anticipation for the weekend had me sitting on the edge of my seat all day. And if I'm being completely honest, I was probably been sitting on the edge of my seat this entire week. Today seemed to drag by with lead weights anchoring it down and the wait for quitting time was nearly unbearable. Every time I looked at the clock it seems just minutes had passed by. Then finally after what seemed like eternity, it was time. I tried my best not to run out of the office skipping but there was a definite bounce to my steps as I said my goodbyes and sprang down the stairs to leave. Maybe my boss didn't notice the difference between my happy exit and my earlier shuffling around?

The weather this week hasn't helped any either. With sporadic rain nearly every day, I was only able to ride my bike to work one day and that only added to the damper already on my spirits. But rain or shine, come four thirty p.m. on Friday afternoons you'll find me skipping out the door and singing like a giddy kid. Today was no exception. The anticipation of Friday afternoon is even more exciting and appreciated when I have been longing for it all week. Those weekends are often the best. Every moment is cherished and enjoyed to the fullest.

I was so excited to leave the office today that I even left the fresh pizza dough I bought to make pizza tonight in the fridge at work. Luckily my husband is so clever. He suggested that we swing by one of the local pizza restaurants in our neighborhood and see if we could buy pizza dough from them. As luck would have it they said yes! So pizza was still on. And I have to say it was really good. I can't think of a better way to start the weekend. Except maybe the daim (heath bar-like) chocolate cookies that are waiting for me downstairs.

Have a Happy Weekend!

Day 292: Eating Like a Caveman

Sometimes I've discovered that when I'm eating alone I have a tendency to eat like a caveman. I know that sounds strange, or even funny, but it's absolutely true. There is little if any regard for table manners or etiquette, I merely shovel the food in like I'm a machine and the only goal being to get food into the pie hole as fast as possible. Sorry mom. You did teach me manners but apparently I only take them out for other people. It's not so terrible, is it? I never really took notice of this until the other day when I was eating lunch alone at work and I suddenly realized that food was dribbling out of my mouth and some lettuce was even hanging there on the edge of my lip as I animalistically gobbled up my salad, eventually pulling the remaining parts into my mouth. In a similar fashion to how your "house pet" eats. I am putting it nicely.

So the other day I asked my husband, "When I'm not at home and you are eating alone, do you eat like a caveman?" He said yes with a sort of nervous-you caught-me laugh. It's kind of funny actually and really a relief to know that I'm not the only person who eats this way when alone. Sometimes when we are both tired and just want to veg out after work we'll make our dinner plates, take them to the living room and eat while sitting on the couch watching TV. We did this a few days ago and in the midst of it, I started laughing and said, "I'm totally eating like a caveman." "Me too," he said. We laughed and just continued eating (like cavemen). Is it bad that we eat like cavemen together? It sort of makes me a weird kind of happy. I like it.

Do you eat like a caveman when you eat alone?

Day 291: Forty-Four

Somehow I seem to notice more details about today, specifically that it is Day 291 of my blog project. Two hundred ninety-one days. That seems like a lot of days. Much more than when I reached my ten day or even fifty day marks. I guess the number of days stood out more to me today because it is a special kind of day today. My birthday. I have never been one to be bothered by the years creeping by or the "height" of the number that happens to be associated with my birthday but this year I was dreading the big "44". For some reason 44 sounded much older to me than 43. Felt older and I guess too with not having been able to have a child at this point, 44 seemed to be the drop-off point. My hopefulness of having a child has greatly diminished and it is a sad time for me.

The point of my blog was to hopefully find ways to be happy every day despite things like this. Despite the occasional sadness that creeps in to my being. And it has worked for the most part. Most days I feel happy regardless of our childlessness. I was telling my husband last night through teary eyes that I truly AM happy, I just FEEL sad sometimes. And I think that is the big distinction. We can BE happy and still feel sad. I am a happy person. I am happy to be alive at age 44 and I am happy to have all of the wonderful blessings and amazing people that are in my life.

And then there's my husband who makes me laugh like a wild hyena. He woke me up this morning at five thirty a.m., in the traditional Swedish way of birthdays, with a tray of breakfast treats with candles, mugs of coffee, birthday cards that I've been saving from friends and family and then the presents that he decorated with the worst photos he could find of me. That last part has become a sort of tradition with us. As I enjoyed looking at all of the crazy photos he selected, we laughed together until tears came out as we relived the location and circumstance of each one. What a wonderful way to start my forty-fourth birthday. My wish for this birthday is that my next year be filled with as much laughter and fun as this year.

Here are a few photos of my day:

Kitty wants to be a part of it... as usual! :-)

 This one was taken while we were on an adventure with his sister and her husband on their boat one summer before we moved to sweden.

One of the crazy photos he used to decorate my packages. You can see another one on the side! 

Okay... so they aren't ALL bad. :-)

This one is from my work birthday fika...

As a small side note, I mentioned a couple of months ago that I wanted to start a yearly birthday journal. Well, here it is:

I bought this repurposed library book turned journal many years ago and have been saving it for the perfect moment. I plan to write my first entry this weekend and as I do I will reflect on this past year and maybe even a little on my plans and hopes for the next year. I think this will be a fun and insightful tool to look back on after many years have accumulated. I only wish I had thought of this idea sooner but as they say, better late than never, right?

Day 290: Shopping for Sanity

What is one thing that keeps you sane when everything turns upside-down, gets super crazy around holiday time, or seems to be sliding just out of your control? I used to have a small list of things, which included going for a long walk by myself, getting a pedicure, meeting a girlfriend for lunch, spending time with my husband and even shopping. Believe it or not, shopping relaxes me. I can let my mind wander as I browse and my imagination get to take a mini vacation. I look items over in the stores with an analytical eye, "Will that go with more than one thing in my closet? Does my love for it justify the price? Maybe I could make it myself?" The thought processes that go into mentally selecting my new fall (or whatever season it happens to be) wardrobe allow my mind to relax in other areas and, for those brief moments, and even sometimes well into the afternoon or evening, I have forgotten about the petty thing that was bothering me.

One thing that I truly love about buying gifts for family and friends is that the shopping is completely justified. And when I am not buying "one for them and one for me," buying gifts satisfies my desire to shop without ending up taking things home that I probably don't need. "Need" being a slippery word here because when I truly fall in love with something, there is usually a strong sense of "need" associated with it. And I usually can find all sorts of ways to justify that need. But anyway, my focus here is on the relaxing quality of shopping, which believe it or not has the exact opposite effect on my husband. Unless of course the shopping involves Home Depot, REI or the Container Store. Then there is the slight possibility that shopping has the same effect on him but in all seriousness, it is definitely not the same sort of effect it has on me.

I can literally spend hours shopping and exploring and coming across gift ideas, be they for myself or for my family and friends. Sometimes I'll even duck into a shop with no intention of actually buying anything but just to distract my thoughts. And it usually works. It is merely the act of distracting my mind that has a positive and happy-inducing effect. If I happen to find a great bargain in the process, well... I take no blame for that. I simply purchase it and move on. Next!

Day 289: Happy Faces and Surprise Flowers

I had a particularly bad day at work today. So bad that I was very near walking out and going home. I called my husband during lunch and he listened and tried to comfort and encourage me while I cried. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but it is worth mentioning again. He truly is the best husband I could ever have. After fifteen or twenty minutes the emotions had mellowed out and I decided to go back to work and try to work through what I was feeling. Unfortunately the weather didn't help the day any either. It was windy, chilly and rainy out, forcing me to take the subway instead of my bike to work. Riding my bike is always the better option but since I do not yet have rain pants, off to the subway I went. It isn't so bad if you manage to get a seat, which I did, so that was something positive.

I wish I could say that my work day improved but it just didn't. It happens sometimes... and that's okay. Everyday can't be awesome, right? But there can be bits and pieces of awesome scattered throughout. Like take for instance our kitty snuggling with us this morning in bed, getting a warm hug from my husband before leaving for work and having leftover baked oatmeal for breakfast. The best part, however, was coming home to find my husband already home, opening the door for me before I could get my key in the lock and welcoming me home with more warm hugs and smiles. Nothing cheers me up like seeing a happy face that I love.

In the midst of all the warm hugs and then sweet kitty greetings, I happened to notice something red out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head and saw the most beautiful bouquet of red gerber daisies sitting on the dining table. They are one of my most favorite flowers and they were simply gorgeous. Getting flowers when you least expect it definitely ranks up there with one of the best surprises I know and they surely brightened my day.

So lovely and cheery. :-)

A single beauty...